Anyone who knows me will know that I don't want to have any children. I have my lovely wife, two great cats, some great friends and my xbox - there is not a child sized void in my life. I don't dislike children, far from it, what I do dislike is the fact that as a thirty-something-married-man, people who hardly know me feel the need to ask me about my wife's womb. Did her womb become public domain as soon as I placed the ring on her finger?
I believe that society has taken a little bit of a backward step when it comes to children. There was an age when having a family was the be-all end-all but then something changed and women became more choosy about the concept of family. Nowadays, it seems like 2.4 children as a concept is everywhere; almost every advert for cars, food, holidays etc. seem to have a man as a breadwinner, woman at home and a sassy daughter with a younger brother. Is this really 2014?
As someone who has chosen not to have children, I feel like pushy mums and dads would think that I'm a selfish person. Nothing could be further from the truth, the fact that we have made the conscious choice not to have any is our own business. If I don't feel the urge to bring a life into the world, how is that selfish? I would say that it's quite the contrary.
We have been told things like 'I was like you once' and 'one day, get the urge'. Really? Are they trying tell us that they have evolved to a state of Nirvana that we could only hope to achieve because they have reproduced? Failing that, are they trying to make us believe that we are never going to be as happy as they are because we don't have what they have? They confuse me! As for getting the urge, I'm still waiting.
I know that families are important and I have every respect for most of those that choose to start them but it gets to a stage where that becomes their entire identity. My name is Colin, it is not 'Laura's husband' or 'Proud Cat Daddy', it is simply 'Colin'. If you have children, why should you lose your own identity? People don't need to try and convince the world that because they have a child on its way / in their lives is what life is about, it really isn't. A lot of people have used children to paper over cracks and in those cases, I believe that the cracks will always show - a lot of pressure on child-shaped staples.
Laura was once told that because she doesn't want any children that she was a selfish bitch and then she was told 'I hope you get pregnant'. Make up your mind if you're going to judge, is it a joy or is it a burden? She made it sound like she was cursing Laura with children?
If the only way to be fulfilled is to have children, spare a thought for those people who desperately want them but can't have them. Those people must feel very cold and lonely and I have nothing but sympathy for them. Society going on about the joys of family life can be very hurtful indeed. Some people have tried for years to get pregnant but to no avail, others get pregnant after one drunken fumble at a bus stop - hardly seems fair really.
To those that have families or (for the right reasons) want them, I wish you all the best. I hope that you're all happy and that they grow up to be well rounded members of society. To those that keep telling us that we need to reproduce, piss off.
The stuff I have to say when 140 characters just isn't enough...
Sunday, 27 April 2014
Sunday, 27 October 2013
Adverts, Part II
Welcome back.
What's next? This post will be talking about how adverts prey on peoples' fears and at times how they attack peoples' pride in a very transparent way.
A current trend that I have noticed in commercials is a trick where they're using conformity to sell stuff. It usually goes something along the lines of "we all something-something when x happens", "nobody wants to do z" or "you wouldn't do such and such". It seems to me that when they do that they are trying their best to make you buy their product or risk looking like quite the fool, clever. I find that sort of advertising a little depressing simply because like advert music, it's here to stay which means that people are falling for it. For all they know, maybe I do want to pay over the odds on my public liability insurance or maybe I don't want save money on my utilities. Alright, I do agree with what most of them say but if I wanted someone to state the obvious at me, I would ask a toilet guy if he liked his job or I would phone the bloody speaking clock.
I saw an advert by British Gas which was advising us that winter is coming (you know, like it does every fucking year) and people need to get their old boilers replaced or risk freezing to death. Ok, the death bit is a slight exaggeration, but when hundreds of old people are dying because of the cold every year, this type of advertising is clearly trying to tap into the fears of vulnerable and frail old people - sickening. When I started writing these pieces, I promised myself that I wouldn't name the products involved. However, I feel that when British Gas are running adverts like this at the same time as they have increased their prices by as much as 11% in some areas then they should be named and shamed.
Adverts put disclaimers in, I guess that it's because most of them speak a lot of guff. A great example of this is in the latest computer game releases where it shows you what you can expect when you play it. However, is it really what you can expect? When they have disclaimers that say "not representative of actual gameplay", I feel a bit cheated.
Radio ads are classic when it comes to disclaimers, especially car adverts. The amount of information they give you once the advert has finished is unbelievable - they could be telling you anything and saying stuff like "0% finance subject to status, terms and conditions apply, please go and kill all the Jews". When they feed you that much information, what on earth are you supposed to take in? It also seems that much of what they say in the T's & C's is rather contradictory.
Finally, I saw a poster advertising soup recently. It looked like a delicious and warming broth, perfect for the winter. It was beautifully and simply laid out ready to eat with a spoon beside it. At the bottom of the poster it had the words 'serving suggestion'.
It's soup.
Soup.
Soup.
IT'S SOUP, OF COURSE YOU SERVE IT IN A FUCKING BOWL WITH A SPOON, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO, HAVE IT ON A FUCKING CHEESECAKE?
and breathe.
Coming soon, voice overs, celebrity endorsements and mobile phones.
What's next? This post will be talking about how adverts prey on peoples' fears and at times how they attack peoples' pride in a very transparent way.
A current trend that I have noticed in commercials is a trick where they're using conformity to sell stuff. It usually goes something along the lines of "we all something-something when x happens", "nobody wants to do z" or "you wouldn't do such and such". It seems to me that when they do that they are trying their best to make you buy their product or risk looking like quite the fool, clever. I find that sort of advertising a little depressing simply because like advert music, it's here to stay which means that people are falling for it. For all they know, maybe I do want to pay over the odds on my public liability insurance or maybe I don't want save money on my utilities. Alright, I do agree with what most of them say but if I wanted someone to state the obvious at me, I would ask a toilet guy if he liked his job or I would phone the bloody speaking clock.
I saw an advert by British Gas which was advising us that winter is coming (you know, like it does every fucking year) and people need to get their old boilers replaced or risk freezing to death. Ok, the death bit is a slight exaggeration, but when hundreds of old people are dying because of the cold every year, this type of advertising is clearly trying to tap into the fears of vulnerable and frail old people - sickening. When I started writing these pieces, I promised myself that I wouldn't name the products involved. However, I feel that when British Gas are running adverts like this at the same time as they have increased their prices by as much as 11% in some areas then they should be named and shamed.
Adverts put disclaimers in, I guess that it's because most of them speak a lot of guff. A great example of this is in the latest computer game releases where it shows you what you can expect when you play it. However, is it really what you can expect? When they have disclaimers that say "not representative of actual gameplay", I feel a bit cheated.
Radio ads are classic when it comes to disclaimers, especially car adverts. The amount of information they give you once the advert has finished is unbelievable - they could be telling you anything and saying stuff like "0% finance subject to status, terms and conditions apply, please go and kill all the Jews". When they feed you that much information, what on earth are you supposed to take in? It also seems that much of what they say in the T's & C's is rather contradictory.
 |
| Serving suggestion? Well really... |
Finally, I saw a poster advertising soup recently. It looked like a delicious and warming broth, perfect for the winter. It was beautifully and simply laid out ready to eat with a spoon beside it. At the bottom of the poster it had the words 'serving suggestion'.
It's soup.
Soup.
Soup.
IT'S SOUP, OF COURSE YOU SERVE IT IN A FUCKING BOWL WITH A SPOON, WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO, HAVE IT ON A FUCKING CHEESECAKE?
and breathe.
Coming soon, voice overs, celebrity endorsements and mobile phones.
Monday, 14 October 2013
Adverts
Where to begin?
When I was a kid, I used to really like adverts on TV, I don't know why but maybe it's just because I was highly suggestable or something.
These days it's different, I hate them, I them with a passion. I hate them on TV and I hate them on the Radio.
There are so many reasons why I hate them so I shall outline a few of them here.
Advert music.
I've not got a problem with jingles, they serve a purpose and give a brand its identity. I have a problem with the background music that seems to be on all adverts these days. You know the kind that I mean, the hand-clapping, ukelele-plucking, whistling, sickly sweet music that is jolly but completely inoffensive. It's not inoffensive, it offends me. I would like to know the thinking behind the music choice as it's not the kind of music that you find on Radio 2 or Magic FM so why do they choose it?
Along with the music, there's a sub-genre known as 'advert singing'. If it's coming from a man then it's usually some cretin with a Mockney accent and a with a Ukelele. For the lady singers, it's often a cover of some pop song from the 80's (maybe Depeche Mode or something). To cover a song from the 70's/80's does not necessarily mean disaster but the way they sing it is just horrible. The following is from an advert for a brand of tea that I have found myself enjoying a lot less since hearing it, it's a cover of a classic Fleetwood Mac song and as you'll see, it ticks all of the boxes.
Simply horrible.
Coming soon, adverts that prey on your fears and hilariously bad disclaimers...
When I was a kid, I used to really like adverts on TV, I don't know why but maybe it's just because I was highly suggestable or something.
These days it's different, I hate them, I them with a passion. I hate them on TV and I hate them on the Radio.
There are so many reasons why I hate them so I shall outline a few of them here.
Advert music.
I've not got a problem with jingles, they serve a purpose and give a brand its identity. I have a problem with the background music that seems to be on all adverts these days. You know the kind that I mean, the hand-clapping, ukelele-plucking, whistling, sickly sweet music that is jolly but completely inoffensive. It's not inoffensive, it offends me. I would like to know the thinking behind the music choice as it's not the kind of music that you find on Radio 2 or Magic FM so why do they choose it?
Along with the music, there's a sub-genre known as 'advert singing'. If it's coming from a man then it's usually some cretin with a Mockney accent and a with a Ukelele. For the lady singers, it's often a cover of some pop song from the 80's (maybe Depeche Mode or something). To cover a song from the 70's/80's does not necessarily mean disaster but the way they sing it is just horrible. The following is from an advert for a brand of tea that I have found myself enjoying a lot less since hearing it, it's a cover of a classic Fleetwood Mac song and as you'll see, it ticks all of the boxes.
Sometimes it's not a cover, take this horrible song as seen on an ad for a dreadful (but should probably remain nameless) new operating system for PC's. It's a female singer with kooky lyrics and plinky piano sounds, everything they seem to want when they try and sell you an upgrade for your PC. I listened to it for a few seconds but I had to turn it off before I fell into a diabetic coma.
Coming soon, adverts that prey on your fears and hilariously bad disclaimers...
Once upon a first blog...
Good afternoon to anyone who reads this, if you happen to be reading it when it's not afternoon then good afternoon anyway. This is just a quick post to define what Too big for Twit-Book is all about.
The idea is that I have quite a lot of things to get off my chest and there is just not enough room to do it with 140 characters. Not everything that I say will be a rant but anyone who knows me knows that I like to articulate if something bothers me with a nice healthy dose of venom!
The first thing that will be getting disected by my fair typing hands is going to be about adverts and that should hopefully follow quite soon.
The idea is that I have quite a lot of things to get off my chest and there is just not enough room to do it with 140 characters. Not everything that I say will be a rant but anyone who knows me knows that I like to articulate if something bothers me with a nice healthy dose of venom!
The first thing that will be getting disected by my fair typing hands is going to be about adverts and that should hopefully follow quite soon.
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