Anyone who knows me will know that I don't want to have any children. I have my lovely wife, two great cats, some great friends and my xbox - there is not a child sized void in my life. I don't dislike children, far from it, what I do dislike is the fact that as a thirty-something-married-man, people who hardly know me feel the need to ask me about my wife's womb. Did her womb become public domain as soon as I placed the ring on her finger?
I believe that society has taken a little bit of a backward step when it comes to children. There was an age when having a family was the be-all end-all but then something changed and women became more choosy about the concept of family. Nowadays, it seems like 2.4 children as a concept is everywhere; almost every advert for cars, food, holidays etc. seem to have a man as a breadwinner, woman at home and a sassy daughter with a younger brother. Is this really 2014?
As someone who has chosen not to have children, I feel like pushy mums and dads would think that I'm a selfish person. Nothing could be further from the truth, the fact that we have made the conscious choice not to have any is our own business. If I don't feel the urge to bring a life into the world, how is that selfish? I would say that it's quite the contrary.
We have been told things like 'I was like you once' and 'one day, get the urge'. Really? Are they trying tell us that they have evolved to a state of Nirvana that we could only hope to achieve because they have reproduced? Failing that, are they trying to make us believe that we are never going to be as happy as they are because we don't have what they have? They confuse me! As for getting the urge, I'm still waiting.
I know that families are important and I have every respect for most of those that choose to start them but it gets to a stage where that becomes their entire identity. My name is Colin, it is not 'Laura's husband' or 'Proud Cat Daddy', it is simply 'Colin'. If you have children, why should you lose your own identity? People don't need to try and convince the world that because they have a child on its way / in their lives is what life is about, it really isn't. A lot of people have used children to paper over cracks and in those cases, I believe that the cracks will always show - a lot of pressure on child-shaped staples.
Laura was once told that because she doesn't want any children that she was a selfish bitch and then she was told 'I hope you get pregnant'. Make up your mind if you're going to judge, is it a joy or is it a burden? She made it sound like she was cursing Laura with children?
If the only way to be fulfilled is to have children, spare a thought for those people who desperately want them but can't have them. Those people must feel very cold and lonely and I have nothing but sympathy for them. Society going on about the joys of family life can be very hurtful indeed. Some people have tried for years to get pregnant but to no avail, others get pregnant after one drunken fumble at a bus stop - hardly seems fair really.
To those that have families or (for the right reasons) want them, I wish you all the best. I hope that you're all happy and that they grow up to be well rounded members of society. To those that keep telling us that we need to reproduce, piss off.
The stuff I have to say when 140 characters just isn't enough...
